Believe it or not, many people express a sense of relief when the affair ends. Sometimes, the intensity of the affair is very exciting at first, but it becomes troublesome as time goes on, especially if the affair partner Match.com Reviews clings too tightly or almost becomes obsessive. So it can be a huge relief to finally realize that the relationship was unhealthy and to go ahead and end it.
However, sometimes this relief is
short-lived because, no matter how careful you are about how you end it, your
affair partner can refuse to believe or accept it. This can cause serious
problems with your reconciliation (if that is the route you are pursuing,) and
can make you wonder how to get your point across.
Someone might explain: "if I'm
being honest, I have to admit that the other man came along in my life at a
time when I truly needed someone. My husband had cheated on me the year before
and my self esteem was at an all time low. So when a very good-looking and
younger man paid attention to me, I ate it up. I was very receptive. I needed
it. Match My husband
had been trying to tell me that I was still attractive, etc., but I didn't
believe it coming from him. I was very willing to hear it from another man,
though. And not too long after that, we started having an affair. Five years
ago, I would have never believed that I would have cheated. But frankly, I no
longer had any qualms about it since my husband had cheated on me. At first, I
was actually quite happy. The other man could not compliment me enough. He was
extremely attentive and sweet. But over time, he began to get somewhat
possessive. If I had to do things with my family (like holidays or special
occasions,) he became quite jealous and would actually text me repeatedly when
he knew that I was with my family. He started becoming a bit of a pain. I tried
to slow things down, but he wasn't having it. Finally, I decided that this was
no longer worth it. I told my husband everything and I broke off the affair. My
husband was understanding. How could he not be, Match.com since he
himself cheated? However, the other man was not understanding. He keeps
texting. He has even called. He has told me that maybe he just needs to have a
face-to-face talk with my husband. Obviously, I want to avoid this. But he is
not taking no for an answer. He's saying he loves me and that he knows that I
will eventually regret giving him up. I've made my decision. And the way that
he is acting only reinforces that it was the right decision. But how do I make
him see that?"
Be Careful Not To Fall Into The
Trap Of Giving The Affair Partner What They Want: This is tricky. It's tempting
to just keep repeating your message in the hopes that at some point he will
hear the message and be forced to accept it. But when you do this, you are
actually giving him exactly what he wants - more of your time and attention. So
long as you've been clear that it is definitely over and you are not going to
change your mind, there is really no reason to keep hashing it out over and
over again.
It's my observation that people
keep going back to the well only when there is a pay off. If all they get is
silence and are basically being ignored, there is no longer any pay off so
there is no longer any reason to engage. Now, sometimes you may have to change
your phone numbers and emails in order to be able to not provide any pay off.
(And if you think that there is a really a chance that he will come by and see
your husband, then you probably need to warn your husband about this and to put
safeguards in place.)
Plus, if you think that there is
any chance that he will be a threat in any way, then you need to take action to
keep yourself (and your family) safe. Only you can evaluate the need for this.
Ending Any Pay Off: It's not
unusual for an affair partner to have problems accepting your decision to end
it. Even if you've been clear on the fact that you didn't intend to end your
marriage because of the affair, the affair partner can still feel as if they
are owed something because of their investment in time and emotions. And they
may try to make you feel guilty or ashamed because of this. It's best to stand
you ground, make sure that you were clear, and then do not give them any pay
off that would make them want to continue. If all they hear is silence for
their efforts, then what is the point of continuing?
Comments
Post a Comment