Raising daughters to be good women
is not always in their best interest. The personality traits that many women
are taught to follow make them vulnerable to becoming the wife of a cheater.
Some men specifically look for a
good woman that they can fool with their lies. The good woman will provide a
stable home and make sure his life runs smoothly. The man knows this type of
woman DilMil will be
easily fooled so he can have a life of freedom to do as he pleases.
Good women have specific common
characteristics. She:
puts a high value on skills that
focus on taking care of others,
has a high desire to be liked and
accepted, a pleaser,
keeps quiet and does not form or
voice strong opinions,
is highly tuned into the social
cues that others present,
ignores times when she is put down
or feels abused,
hides her problems and pretends
that everything is just fine,
wants life to be fair and others to
take their turn,
puts a low value on her skills and
work,
doesn't spend time on personal
growth, avoids change,
avoids actions or words that could
indicate she is being selfish,
behaves in ways that are honest so
that she is trustworthy,
is faithful and loyal to her
husband and family.
Good women are taught that asking
for help, AmoLatina.com review criticizing their husband or family and having
individual wants and needs is unacceptable. Unfortunately the very traits that
create a good woman are also the ones that put her at high risk for being lied
to and abused.
Men who cheat know how to romance
women by making promises and saying the things they know good women want to
hear.
Looking for women who have been
taught to be good women knowing that they are easily fooled is the first stage
in the process of cheating. These men already know what to say and how to
behave so honest trusting women will fall in love with them. They develop a
high level of romance and fantasy and are skilled at avoiding being held
accountable. They use the same skills on their wife as they use on the women
with whom they cheat.
When a man believes that his wife
will forgive whatever he does it is like having a free pass to cheat. While he
knows his attentive wife will eventually see clues that raise her suspicions he
is skilled at shifting the responsibility for his indiscretion back on her so
that she will feel guilty. He knows how to create the impression that she is
responsible for his bad behavior.
The good woman will scrutinize her
own actions and words and accept that the marriage relationship is her
responsibility. Meetme Since the
good woman has been taught to put on a good front, not to ask for help and
definitely not to say anything negative about her husband she is left alone,
isolated and fearful.
When a good woman discovers
evidence that is beyond a doubt that her husband is cheating, he will
manipulate her by using language and emotional intensity so that she is left
confused and doubts herself. This is called "crazy making." When
women report to their doctors that they are stressed they are often medicated
rather than understood and taught self care. Their charming husband is rarely
seen as the problem.
Men who cheat do so because they
believe that their behavior is acceptable and will achieve their goals. They
often are insensitive to other people's feelings. They do not worry about the
impact their behavior has on others. His life is all about him not the woman he
is with.
While there are instances where
people get into situations where they are seduced into behavior they normally
would not see as acceptable the majority of men who cheat on good women do so
because they believe they will not be caught and there will not be
consequences. Many of these men feel they are too smart to be caught and
believe that they can lie their way out of any accusations.
Honest people who want to avoid the
pain of being the victim of a cheater must;
not accept broken promises and lies
with repeated forgiveness,
develop a set of personal values
and not tolerate or ignore bad behavior,
accept responsibility for their own
happiness rather than expecting someone else to make them happy,
know that each person makes choices
about their words and actions,
understand that loving someone
won't change their behavior,
trust hurt feelings when minimized,
ignored or treated badly,
accept that all people have
problems and ask for help when needed,
understand that not all people play
by the same rules,
take time to grow as a person
learning new skills,
understand that there is good
selfishness as in taking care of the self,
be aware that words and actions
must be consistent for honesty,
admit when conned and trust friends
and family for support,
end a relationship when it is not
possible to be authentic.
Keeping careful notes in a personal
journal that is secure and private is an important part of learning to trust
your Self.
The best chance for a good woman to
avoid a cheater is to find a good man. He is identified by the following
characteristics. He will:
have values and morals that he
lives by in all areas of his life,
be committed to solving problems
not creating fights,
enjoy time with friends and family,
be open and honest about where he's
been and what he's doing,
never be flirtatious with other men
or women,
have emotional control and self
discipline,
share common interests and
opinions,
never act in ways that imply he is
jealous because he is trusting,
praise her accomplishments to
others,
share similar goals,
have interests of his own that he
enjoys doing,
value what is created together.
The cheater will often isolate
their victim so supports are not available. Women who live with a cheater are
often financially dependent and put a high value on maintaining home and
family. Oftentimes these women are highly influenced by religious beliefs.
These women lack understanding that they can survive without the addiction to
the emotional roller coaster of life with a cheater.
As a survivor of a relationship
filled with lies I know there are many reasons to become involved with someone
who will cheat. The intensity of the romantic good times and the seduction
phase of the abuse keeps the hope alive that maybe this time will be the last.
When I changed my awareness of my
strengths and abilities and challenged the learning about the importance of
staying in the role of being a good woman I was able to rebuild my life. It has
been a difficult journey but the rewards have been amazing!
Dare to be an honest woman even
when other people may pressure you to continue being as they want you to be and
criticize your changes.
Self care and the support of
trusted people are an important part of good mental health. Start your journey
NOW!
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