If your best friend were to tell you that she was struggling emotionally after her husband's affair, I'd be willing to bet that you would be extra loving, supportive, and gentle toward her. You'd likely tell you that she should be kind to herself and to take her time in trying to sort through this. LatinFeels.com Reviews Most people would never rush their friend or tell her that she needs to toughen up and move on.
And yet, when an affair happens to
us, this is exactly what most of us will do. Even though we would show friends,
family, and even complete strangers unconditional kindness and patience in the
wake of an affair, we are rarely able to give the same to ourselves.
The vast majority of us will beat
ourselves up, will hurry ourselves, and will tell ourselves (and others) that
we just aren't managing quite well enough. Most of us feel overly-emotional and
somewhat weak. Someone might describe it this way: "I mean no disrespect
to my husband, but quite honestly, I have always been the strong one in my
marriage. My husband has always been the emotional one and I am always the
stoic, LatinFeels rational
one who runs on logic and not feelings. I am always the one who can be counted
upon to use my common sense and to not to allow my emotions to cloud my
judgement or to get the better of me. But now that I have found out about my
husband's affair, I find that I'm expressing emotions like never before. I can
not stop crying. I can not concentrate on every day things. Little things that
I would never have noticed before set me off. I get overly emotional about
stupid things of no consequence. I will tell myself that I need to toughen up
and that I will get through this like I get through everything else, but so far
this little pep talk isn't working. How do I become more stoic? This just isn't
like me."
I know how you feel. I too was
frustrated with my feelings and my behavior after my husband's affair. I didn't
feel as if I could control either. And this wasn't like me. But I know for sure
that most of us are just too hard on ourselves during this difficult time.
Because let's face it, you're not experiencing your emotions the same as normal
because things are not the same as normal. It is not every day that you find
out your husband is having an affair. This is an emotional punch in the
stomach. It can take quite a while (and a lot of healing) to be able to regain
your footing. Because of this, it's harsh to expect yourself just to be able to
shake it off. LatinFeels.com It's unrealistic
and it makes you feel as if you are doing something wrong when you are not. It
makes you feel as if you are not being strong enough when that just isn't true.
Nonetheless, these feelings of
being out of control can take a toll on you. There is relief in reigning them
in a little. So below, I will offer some tips that helped me a little bit in
this regard.
Give Yourself Set Times To Let It
All Out: Honestly, I found that the harder I tried to reign in my feelings or
to deny them, the more likely they were to come out. It is like when you're a
kid and you get punished and your parent screams at you to "stop
crying." What happens then? You start crying even harder, of course.
That's why I think it is helpful to
give yourself the opportunity to let it all out on a regular basis. If you try
to hold it in, then it is going to demand to be let out. And this can
contribute to that "out of control" feeling.
I found it helpful to either set
aside time to journal, to talk to someone, or to even scream into a pillow or
two. To be honest, I was very careful about who I confided in. I just did not
want for well-meaning friends to constantly quiz me about my situation. I did
not want them to change their opinions about my husband because I knew that,
because of my kids, he would always be in our lives. But I did have a few
people who I confided in and I did see someone professionally for a while.
Having this type of outlet on a
regular basis is invaluable. Because you know that there will be a time and a
place to let it out, you hopefully will not be as apt to let it out all of the
time.
In addition to having a regular
outlet, the passage of time is a comfort and helps with perspective. You begin
to realize that the days still come, the sun still rises, and the world keeps
going. One day, you look around and realize that despite it all, you are still
OK and that you have endured. Don't be hard on yourself. You are plenty strong
and tough. You just need to be gentle with yourself and give yourself the same
compassion you'd give a friend.
Comments
Post a Comment