Make Your Partner Feel Wanted, Before Someone Else Does

Human beings want to feel wanted. It's a powerful draw between people. When you make someone else feel wanted, that person is more likely to want YOU. You are the source of that good feeling.  AnastasiaDate.com Reviews Being associated with such a strongly positive feeling makes you an object of desire.

 

Kirk listened sympathetically as his brother, Lee, confessed that he was beginning to worry about his wife's affections. She seemed to be getting too close to a guy at work and too distant from Lee.. This sounded way too familiar to Kirk. He and Kim had gone through a rough patch themselves last year. He had found himself attracted to a coworker, Leslie. It had started innocently enough; but he'd starting talking more and more to Leslie and less and less to Kim.

 

One night Kim had caught him texting Leslie about something funny on TV. Kim had insisted that they talk about what was going on. He'd insisted that he and Leslie were just friends, but he couldn't really AnastasiaDate deny that work friends don't text each other funny anecdotes at night.

 


At Kim's persistent questioning, Kirk recognized that Leslie probably had been "making a play" for him. Kim kept asking, "What is she doing that makes her so attractive, Kirk? I've met Leslie. She's hardly a knockout. What's her secret for getting your attention?"

 

Kirk realized, as he described their interactions to Kim, that Leslie made it clear that she found him attractive and that she wanted his attention. She hadn't done anything obviously inappropriate or explicit. She had told him how nice his new suit looked, how it brought out the blue in his eyes. She listened attentively when he talked, whether he was talking AnastasiaDate.com about work projects or the new gym he'd found. She always made time for him when he showed up in her section and always greeted him with a huge smile that made it clear that she was pleased to see him.

 

"I guess the bottom-line is that she makes me feel wanted."

 

Kim, to her credit, realized that even though Kirk had been getting too close to a line he might be about to cross, she had her own issues to consider here. She was of course upset with Kirk. But she was also upset with herself.

 

The most basic self-examination revealed that it had been a while since she'd paid much attention to Kirk. It wasn't that she didn't love him or find him attractive or want to be with him. It was that other things had been occupying her time and energy. Becoming partner at a law firm required a LOT of time and commitment. Partner was what she wanted. When was the last time that she'd shown or told Kirk that she wanted him?

 

As she looked at him sitting in front of her, confused, hurt, and guilty, she realized that she DID want him and had gotten way too close to losing him. Leslie had perceived his vulnerability. She wanted Kirk and she'd made it clear to him, albeit in mostly subtle ways.

 

Being an honest woman, even with herself, Kim acknowledged that she'd help set the stage for them by giving too much of herself to her ambition and too little to her marriage.

 

The Leslie thing had been a valuable wake-up call. Kim recommitted herself to communicating to Kirk, clearly and often, by word and by deed, that she wanted him -- as her husband, her partner, her best friend.

 

Kirk made it clear to Leslie that he was fully committed to Kim and to his marriage. He made a point of talking more to Kim and letting her back in on the details of his day and his life. He knew that he too had to let Kim know that he wanted to be with her.

 

They both worked at it, all too aware that if they didn't make their partner feel wanted someone else would.

 

Dr. Benna Sherman has been a Licensed Psychologist in private practice in Severna Park, Maryland, for over 20 years. She has a specialty in Marriage/Relationship Counseling and writes a biweekly newspaper column on relationships. Her book, "How to Get and Give Love - Relationship Maps", is now available on Amazon.com in both paperback and Kindle.

 

 

Comments