I sometimes hear from people who feel guilty for wanting to withdrawal from their marriage (at least temporarily) after an affair AnastasiaDate.com Reviews has occurred. Sometimes, the person who wants to withdrawal is the cheating spouse. But sometimes, it is the faithful spouse.
Common comments from the cheating spouse
are things like: "I know that my affair was wrong. And I have ended it for
good. I know that things could never work out in the long term between myself
and the other person. Now that some time has passed, I can look at things more
objectively and I can see the problems and the unhealthy nature of that
relationship. So, in no way do I want to pursue the affair any more. But at the
same time, I am still reeling from this whole experience. AnastasiaDate I have no
doubt that my spouse would be willing to work on my marriage. And I am grateful
for that. But right now, I just want to be on my own for a while to figure out
what was so damaged within me that I would do something like this to someone
who I sincerely love. But, I'm afraid that my spouse is going to take this the
wrong way. I am afraid that it is going to hurt my spouse more than I have
already hurt her and that is the last thing that I want. Do I have any right to
ask to be on my own right now so that I can sort things out? Or do I just need
to put my own needs aside and think of my spouse? I don't want to turn my back
on my marriage. I think that there is a chance that one day we could work
things out. So I don't want to take this time if it has the potential to ruin
my marriage. What can I do?"
Common comments from the faithful
spouse are things like: "my spouse admitted to his affair. He has worked
hard to earn back my trust. I do give him credit for trying. I know that he loves
me and I know that he is doing all that he can. But the damage is done. I am
not saying that I absolutely want a divorce or even a formal separation. But I
do feel as if I want to take some time on my own for a while. I'm not saying
that I want to be single. I really don't know what I want. But when I start to
hint that I would like some time on my own, my spouse starts to panic. He jumps
to conclusions and assumes that this means that I will never forgive him and am
moving on without him. This isn't necessarily true. But I don't think I'm ever
going AnastasiaDate.com to know
what I really want until I go out on my own. That way, if I decide I want to
save our marriage, then I'll know that it isn't under duress and it was my own
choice. Does that make sense?"
It absolutely does make sense.
Especially to me because I was the faithful spouse. But, I also understand why
people make unfortunate assumptions that bring about a great deal of risk.
Often, the marriage is already extremely vulnerable and folks already expect
the worst. So you have to understand that if this isn't handled correctly,
things can deteriorate even further. And even if you never intended for going
out on your own to end your marriage, this can be the eventual outcome. In
order to avoid that, I'll offer some tips below.
Consider Taking Some Time For
Yourself Without Making Any Permanent Or Far Reaching Decisions: People
sometimes believe that if they are going to take some time for themselves, then
they must make a big proclamation and make the drastic measure of separating.
This doesn't have to be the case. Sometimes, you can stay with friends. You can
get away for a short time. Or you can even move into another part of your house
while you make it very clear that you aren't going to make any meaningful
decisions until you take your time to evaluate more thoroughly. It is much
better to take the time and make a sound decision with a clear head and heart
than to give into pressure and do something that you don't really want to do.
If You Do Pull Away, Consider Ways
To Check In And Stay Connected: If your marriage could still potentially be
important to you, then you probably just do not want abruptly leave your spouse
without any plan of when or if you will be in touch. If you must leave, then at
least consider scheduling regular times to meet with or check in with your
spouse. Probably the easiest way to do this is to go to counseling together at
a set times so that at least during that meeting, you get to touch base with
one another. This way, no one assumes the worst. If you don't embrace
counseling, then agree on a regular time to meet for dinner or at the very
least talk on the phone. You don't want for your spouse to feel abandoned or to
think that you will leave and never look back.
Because the truth is, you just
don't know what the future holds. You don't know what your heart is going to
tell you after you take this time. So you don't want to close any doors or make
an impulsive decision that means that you acted prematurely. So to answer the
question posed, I understand why you want to be on your own and I think that
this strategy can work as long as it is carried out correctly.
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