I sometimes hear from wives who are struggling with how to classify or view their husband after he cheated or had an affair. Often, they have always thought of their husband as a high quality person Match.com Reviews with integrity. But now, they are no longer so sure of this assessment.
I heard from a wife who said:
"I have always thought of my husband as the nicest guy. I was so proud to
be married to him. Every one likes him and thinks very highly of him. He is a
wonderful father and he has always been a wonderful husband. I have always
thought that I would never have to worry about him mistreating me or doing anything
that would put our marriage in jeopardy. But now I am faced with the
possibility that I just might have been wrong about this. Because I found out
about three weeks ago that he has been cheating with one of his coworkers. To
his credit, he did come to me and admit the affair. He said he could not
continue to lie to me and he has promised that he has broken it off. He is
currently looking for another job because he doesn't want for me to worry about
him working with her. I have been honest with my husband and have told him that
I don't know Match if I can
ever look at him the same way again. His response was that he hopes that I can
because he views himself as a good person who just make one mistake. He is
asking me not to discard all of the good he has done in our marriage because of
a one time lack of judgement. One of my best friends knows about this situation
and she says my husband is just a really nice guy who did a really stupid
thing. She said it's obvious that he loves his family and wants to make this
right. I agree to an extent, but how nice can he really be if he cheated on me?
Do nice guys cheat on their wives over only one stupid indiscretion and then go
on to love their families?" I will tell you my opinion on this in the
following article.
I realize that some people are
going to disagree with me, but I absolutely think that it is possible for very
nice and loving men to make a one time mistake that they never repeat. This is
particularly true if that same man is going through a life crisis that affects
what would otherwise be good judgement at any other time. Now, a man who has
cheated more than once is less likely to fall into this category.
But I know many husbands (including
mine) who made one mistake that they never made again and who and went on to be
very loving husbands and fathers in a loving and healthy marriage. So how do
you know if your husband is one of those one time offenders who truly is a nice
guy Match.com who was
only momentarily stupid? Well often, you need to look at his past behaviors,
which I will discuss now.
What Does His Past Behaviors Say
About Him?: I am going to tell you two things which I believe contribute to
cheating. This is only my opinion based on my own research and from comments
that I get from men on my blog. But I believe that men who repeatedly cheat
often have a lack of impulse control and poor decision making skills. They also
will often participate in risky behavior in order to generate excitement when
they are bored or struggling in some way. When wives ask me if their husband
will cheat again, I often ask them to look into his past for any hints of
repetitive risky or thrill seeking behavior and also evidence that he is
repeatedly impulsive. Men who exhibit this behavior can most certainly be
rehabilitated, but it takes work.
Men who haven't shown these
tendencies in the past are good candidates (at least in my opinion) to be one
time offenders who go on to become faithful and loving spouses. Honestly, if I
had assumed that one mistake meant that my husband was no longer a good person,
we likely would not still be married today. But his past behavior and actions showed
me that he truly was a good person who acted with integrity. Likewise, his
behavior after the affair confirmed that same integrity, which leads me to my
next point.
What Does His Current Behavior Say
About Him Now?: Often, men with high levels of remorse and integrity are less
likely to cheat again. Again, this is only my opinion but I firmly believe
this. These men know that they have made a grave mistake and they are
determined never to repeat it. They are willing to dig in and to do the hard and
necessary work in order to rehabilitate themselves so that you feel secure
enough to begin to work on your healing.
In short, they put you and
repairing the marriage first. So, you won't hear tons of excuses and you won't
hear them blame you. Instead, you will see them spring into action to begin to
make this right again, not because they want to take some of the heat off of
themselves but because they truly love their family and they don't want to do
anything to jeopardize it ever again. And it sounded to me as if this husband
fell into that category.
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